The Mary Sue Chronicles: The Harry Potter Series
by Bigcitygoil
Summary: Ever just got so annoyed with Mary Sues your head wanted to explode, well here are a collection of one-shots of mockeries of Mary Sue characters, these are only meant for laughs and stress relief against regular Mary Sues. This is the first of many. R
1. Foreword about the Chronicles

**Hello Readers of OC fanfiction, or just fanfiction in general. I know that a lot of you **

**are just as tired as me of reading fanfiction with Mary Sue or Gary Stus characters. **

**A lot of us or just about over the edge and are giving up on all OCs, which is not fair**

**to the OC writers who actually take the time to write good OCs, but because of the **

**over population of Mary Sues we tend to over look them. So here I have put together**

**A collection of one shots that are intended to make fun of Mary Sue characters. I'm**

**not saying all Mary Sues are bad, I'm just saying that most of them are and us, the**

**readers are just plain sick of it. So for all of you that need a good laugh, that need **

**to see the truth of what Mary Sues are, or that just enjoy a good mockery of poorly put**

**together fanfiction please enjoy my Mary Sue Chronicles.**

**WARNING: REMEMBER THIS IS A MOCKERY! _So there will be bad spelling and _**

_**grammer, and a few surprise twists that will probably remind you of that badly put **_

**_together OC that you just read before this, now I just had to write this note so you would understand what it's all about so please sit back and have a good laugh._**

**Yours truly, Bigcitygoil**

**(P.S. I'm starting with Harry Potter because it's the biggest thing, but who knows maybe I'll move on to other category, R&R)**


	2. Heather Sue

Once apon a time their was a beautiful girl and everybody loved her. But she had like a major secret, she was harry potters long lost twin! And like nobody new but her! She was smart, beautiful, powerful, and totally breaks all the rules set by J K R the writer and owner of Harry Potter and I just hope u love her like I do, she reminds me a lot of me; we have the same name!

"Heather!" Harry's uncle, **(A/N:I don't remember his name so I'm just going 2 call him Joey, bcuz I'm like to lazy 2 look up his real name, even though I should take the time to since I'm righting a fanfic but w/e!) **called angrily. "Wake up ur good for nothing brother!"

"Like why do u treat him like so bad!"I called out, I mean they shouldn't treat us like that they're so mean 2 us it's not our fault they have 2 take care of us, it's all voldemort's fault! And btw I could totally kick his ass even though I've never been to Hogwarts one day of my life and I shouldn't even know about it.

"Oh dear, we don't hate u, ur beautiful and ur smart!" Harry's aunt (**A/N: I don't like remember her name either so I'm like gonna call her Kerry cuz I'm just 2 lazy to look up her real name!) **told me, she was always so nice to me but my good 4 nothing uncle, Joey, always treats me and my brother Harry real bad, he's not nice some day we're going 2 runaway 2 hogwarts but he doesn't know bout Hogwarts yet because he's not like as smart as me but that's ok I still love him. 3**(A/N:She is so nice, I want to be just like her!!!!! My friends say we're totally a like!)**

But as I was walkin 2 da closet where Harry sleeps, I don't sleep w/ him in there bcuz even though they totally hate me they give me my own room, but my cousin **(A/N:I forgot his name 2 so like I'm gonna call him Bob, kewl!) **Bob totally has his own room 2 but like it's not as big as mine, but they like still totally love him more than me.

Anyway like I was saying as I was like totally walking to the closet out of nowhere Dumbledore jumped out and then he like zapped me with a ray then me and my brother randomly ended up at Hogwarts.

"Heather Potter!"He like called out to me.

"Omg like yeah that's totally me!"

"Ur so beautiful and the most talented witch I know!"He said happily, "Even though you've never been to Hogwarts!"

"Omg really!"I asked excitedly. "There's no why they could be talking about me I mean like even though people always tell me I'm beautiful, I know they're lying cuz I'm like so totally ugly. **(A/N: awh poor Heather don't you all feel bad for her?) **"U must b looking 4 another Heather, I'm not pretty."

"But u r!" a familiar voice shouted. I turned and like saw Draco, omg I love him I thought I'd never see him again

"Omg Draco!" I smiled as I ran up and hugged him, he totally hugged me back bcuz we're totally friends and even his parents love me, even though I'm like a Potter they say it doesn't matter bcuz I'm so awesome! YAY!

"I've missed u so much!"

"Yea, I know!."

He like wrapped his arms around me and we totally began kissing rite in front of Dumbledore but he didn't care he thought it was totally cute!

"Anyway like I was saying, u r the most powerful witch and you could totally defeat Voldemort all by ur self!"

"Totally!"Harry and Draco agreed. **(A/N:So like ok I know that usually Draco and Harry wouldn't agree on stuff but u have 2 like understand, they both totally love Heather, I mean everybody does, so like even though they're enemies they like totally get along or Heather would be sad.)**

"So it would be an honor if some1 like u would come 2 r skool!"Dumbledore said, "U wouldn't have to follow any of the Hogwarts rules, u could pick ur own house, u could go to classes whenever u wanted and u could take any higher level class bcuz yer just so wonderful!"

"Well I'll only come if my bro can come, we're a pack deal!"

"Well he's no where near as wonderful as u, or as smart as you even though he totally survived one of the three deadly curses and got a horrible scar." **(A/N: Oh yea dat reminds me I totally forgot to tell u dat Heather has a scar like Harry but hers is like a kitty on her cheek and she still looks totally beautiful!) **Dumbledore started.

"Hey like I no dat he's no where near as like cool as me."I went off as I crossed my arms and started 2 get like mad. "And not as good looking or as smart but you have no rite 2 b dissing my bro like dat Dumbleman, so if u don't b changing ur tude I'll totally kick ur $$!"

"Even though u just threatened the headmaster and cussed in front of the headmaster we all still love you!"Dumbledore exclaimed with open arms. "So since ur like so bold and brave, and not afraid to speak ur mind, which will b good when u defeat Voldemort, like u and ur brother can both come!"

"Dats more like it!" I smiled as I flipped my beautiful long blonde locks that flow like an endless waterfall of never ending beauty and life.

**-F.F 2 A couple of weeks in2 hogwarts(A/N:yeah we're skippin ahead randomly bcuz I feel like it!)**

So like I've been here for a few weeks now, and I've totally skipped all the first year classes bcuz I'm so smart, but I don't have 2 do any of the work. And I'm still in the same classes with Harry and Draco, but like I'm just relly ahead of everybody, but it's cool I even help Hermione w/ her work so she seems smart.

"Hey Heather!"Draco smiled as he came and like totally made out w/ me rite in front of Prof. Snape, but Snape didn't care he thought it was cute like Dumbledore did.

"Hey stop kissing her!"Ron yelled as he like pulled Draco away from me. I mean like he totally had a thing for me, and I felt so bad 4 him bcuz like I was w/ Draco. **(A/N:OMG dat just happened 2 me 2day w/ my boyfriend and this guy so I decided to totally put it in here.)**

"Why don't u make me."Draco yelled, as they started fighting and Snape totally didn't even stop them.

"Stop!" I yelled as my scar began glowing pink and suddenly everybody froze. "Woah I didn't know I could like totally do that!"

Everyone in the room like totally cheered me on bcuz I was like so powerful, and they were all happy. Especailly Snape who was like totally smiling even though I like interrupted his class then all the other Hogwarts teachers came out of nowhere and they were all smiling 2.

"Yer ready!"Dumbledore smiled!

So like totally when he told me I was like ready I totally left school and found Voldemort and I totally defeated him with one amazing glow of my scar. After dat I totally went back to school even though I didn't have to bcuz Dumbledore so I was a hero and everybody loved me but I told him dat I wanted 2 so now I'm like here finishing my school years. like happily ever after.

**SO like yeah omg that is my story w/ my like amazing OC that is totally just like me if I were to be in Hogwarts I hope you loved her! Bcuz she reminds me so much of like me and my friends totally agree ad they like totally love her so u should totally love her 2**

**XxXXxXXXXXxxXXXXxxXXXxxxXXXxxXXXXx**

**Ok now it's back to me, Bigcitygoil, first I have to say that J.K.R 's Uncle, Aunt, and Cousins real names are Vernon(uncle), Petunia(aunt), Dudley(cousin) Dursley. Which are totally and completely her characters she made them and she wrote Harry Potter. She is the all knowing author, I am merely the fan. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first of many Chronicles .**


	3. Krstil Sue

**HOOKAY Y'ALL. YOU'SE GUIES HAVEN'T HERD FROM ME 4 A WHILE. . . WELL IMMA STILL ALIVA SO YAY! WOOT WOOT! :D:D:D:D:D:D Teehee. Well ums like I just wanted youse all to no that like dis story is de bomb and Ive been workin on it 4EVAH! HOPE U LIKE IT & NO FLAMES B/C IMMA SENSITIVE AND I CRAY MYSELF 2 SLEEP NITE AND I DON'T NEED MORE REASON TO DIE! DIS IS MAY DREAMWORLD AND Imma totally JELLY of my OC, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE OC THAT I WISH I WAS. BTDubs Harry Potter is my bf irl, SO NO TOUCHY. U CAN HAVE EDWARD CULLEN, HE IS SO GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (He keeps asking me out and won't leave me alone. GAY) **

So my name is Krystil Diamond Lestrange,(BUT EVERYBODY CALLS ME DIAMOND, EVEN THO I HATE DAT NAME) I'm starting my 1st year at Hogwarts, day gave me a free place at beauxbars **(A/N: Sry if I gout that wrong, idk French, I'm AMERICAN. SO IS MY OC) **But I was like. "BIOITCH, NAWH! IMMA GOIN' TO HOGWARTS"

I wanted 2g2 Hogwarts b/c I new dat de 1 dat lived went there…HARRY POTTER. I herd he was SMOKIN' hot and even if he wasn't single, i knew hed want me. Also, sentce VOLDEMORT is mah pa, I had a secret mission 2 kil...l HARRY POTTER. I am my own fr33 persin so I wnt let voldy (that's what I call him) tell me wut 2 do. I do wut I want.

OK, well I was on the stupid train & looked all de other girls & they were all ugly n sht. i mean birtish chicks r suuu f#$%ing ugly n sht they have no breasts, and im 12 and I have bigger breasts mine are like pamale Anderson. I sat up strait and let my amber curls shine and the other girls were all jealous n i smirked. i decided 2 space ut a bit and then we needed 2 change our cloeths, I wuz taking off my mugggle dress (it was dark blue wth diamons crusted all over da front w/ lots of cleavage )**(A/N: Don't be hatin' she aint a slut and she gout cash)** n den the door opened while I wuz half naked it was..HARRY POTTER.

i wuz angery! The rage filled my body like coffee filled a mug. Den i realized it was…HARRY POTTER and if I was a guy I would have gout an erection….HARRY POTTER wuz a guy, so he did get one cuz I was hot. (ALL GUIES DO WIN DEY SEE MAH). **(A/N: WTF COMPU, stop yer red squiggles n leave me the fuck alone.) **

"i luv you."….HARRY POTTER squeaked like a little mousy poo.

"awh i love u 2…HARRY." He wuz so hot, i could NEVAH kull him! Mah words overjoyed him n I could hard ly controllll mahself. "One sec …HARRY I gotta call some1.)

i pull out mah iphone deluxe covered w/ diamonds 1 of a kind pho made especially 4 me! **(A/N: DATS MAY DREAM PHO) **

RING RING RING RING "YO YO YO? WAZ up Mah DAUGHTER!"

"HIYA VOLDY, wat r u doing?"

"Well, Dia."

"MY NAME IS KRYSTIL!"

"SRY, KRYSTIL. WELL I AM PLAYIN CALL OF DUTY"

"VOLDY I FOUND A HUSBAND HIS NAME IS LARRY DOPPLER!" Harry looked…DEPRESSED like …A THOUSAND SUNS of despair.

"OK cum 2 florida well have a weding planned, he is jewish right?"

"Yesh of course dad we r going to have a barmitzpha and we must hurry cause im pregnant"

i hung up da pho n …HARRY wuz like o.O, "UM EXSUE ME BUT IMMA NOT LARRY may name is…HARRY POTTER!"

"Well, IT IS NOW! MAY DAD HATES U AND WANTS U DEAD SO IT IS NOW..LARRY!"

"Well, who is ur dad?"

"Voldesmort?"

"Uh u mean Voldemort!"

"NO i mean VOLDEBLORTS, we own a wand company. Were more famous than Oliver's"

"Wait u said Voldesmort 1st and I've nevah heard of ur wand company da only 1 i no is Olivander's."

I glared, my heart was full of pure pain b/c i loved him SO much. He luved me 2 so I decided 2 cast a spell I had spend yers on developing (Im aslo very very smart n people always tell me my beauty s only matched by my brain)

"Lamata-kavata!" a bright green stream of liquedy fire attckd ….HARRY POTTER. He convulsed and then qickly got bac up.

"Lets go to that barmitzpha.!" Said …LARRY PLOPPER. So me and him we hikajed the Exspersse and started going west to go to florida. Larry was so bAD ass in his sailor costume I had a lady boner.

Went we arrived at Florida dumbledor was there.

"STOP U MAY NOT PASS"

I WAS SO PISSED OFF I DECIDED DTHAT HE COULD GOTO HELL SO I SAID "gOL tro hell u wizard!"

And Larry Plopper casty level 9 majick and dumbledor was now..BUMBLFLOOR!

WE had our wedding and my dad luved …harry they played video games together )but not too much larry never stopped paying attention to me ) nad wen we went back to ludon the queen made me her daughter. SO I can namedf pre-queen Diamon and I got a tira that was worn by Nany Drew(I wuz so sad when she died in that car crash) and then harry and I lived well for a while we haed no marital problems.

I had 3 kids their names were Yohan, Yoshhii (KAWAII) and Hermonie. I ended up leaving Larry for this guy named..DRACO MALFLOR!

I got all of Larrys money and iwas even richer I bought the white house & the maylfour

FINE


End file.
